Thursday, 27 October 2011

Moving On

I woke up in an awful mood - mornings are really hard at the moment which isn't like me.

My car was in for a service and I had to be in the office today so got my bike out. It started raining just as I pushed him out of the garage. I thought I was OK for fuel but his light was on. While putting on my jacket, in my pocket I found some directions to meet a lovely guy from a few weeks ago who things ended up not working out with (does that make sense!). Realised I still haven't replaced my beaten up clear visor. To round things off nicely I almost dropped my bike at the traffic lights (thinking of said guy...grrr!).

I decided I'd better concentrate on the job in hand and made it to the petrol station in one piece. Things improved from there and I had a great ride in to work despite a few gulps and a couple of tears sneaking their way out.

Marco Simoncelli's funeral was this afternoon, I found it hard to concentrate at work but kept my head down and got through the day.

Two lovely work colleagues are leaving tomorrow and I am sad about this - although one is temporary as she is off on maternity leave which is exciting for us all. I will miss them both. Today I have been out for a leaving lunch for one and stayed for leaving drinks for the other.

I had a lovely ride home in the dark. I haven't had a pitch black run up the A12 in a very long time, and it brought back some very strong feelings and memories - happy stuff from better times, and less so. I'm in exactly the same kit, same helmet, gloves, boots, jacket, trousers etc. The bike is almost the same. So much has happened but I feel like so little has really moved on.

Those who know me well know that I hang onto things for a long time, and struggle to let go. I am a great one for dates and anniversaries however minor. But sometimes I think this holds me back. I tried to 'celebrate' what would have been my first wedding anniversary, but it was the wrong thing to do. I tried to make a big deal of my birthday to convince myself how marvellous things were and how well I'd done surviving the last year, but this was also the wrong thing to do and I was just kidding myself.

So time for another line in the sand. I left a lot of things behind in Spain and felt better for it. 

Here's to moving on, and making the most of my life. Ciao Marco.

(more cheerful stuff to come soon honest!)

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