Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Neglect of many types

I have neglected my blog. I have neglected my harp playing. I have neglected myself in many ways.

I've just got through a couple of days of tiredness-to-the-point-of-loopiness and it has been a bit scary how quickly it's possible to go from everything feeling good to everything feeling very, very bad.

This March will be another busy one - last year I called it Mad March for the Harp and was rather stunned that it happened again this year.

I'm drifting a bit and losing focus - after a year of healing last year, there are so many things I want to achieve now I am back in the room as it were, but this will take some careful planning so I must make sure I find some time to do this. I love planning (typical Virgo) but normally I fail to make said plans stick (not typical Virgo!).

Having nearly given up the harp approximately 3 times a day over the last few weeks, I am now pretty sure I want to continue. Time is the main obstacle for me, there is not enough time for me and not enough for the harp. Finding my voice (well, in a harp way), my style, finding how I work best with the harp, these are exciting prospects for me, but scary too as they are so deeply entangled with who I am and who I want to be.

When I think of giving up, I then think about playing La Source, playing the Pierne Impromptu-Caprice (now a very distant memory!), playing Stairway to Heaven and Paranoid, playing with Frankie and John, listening to Glinka's Nocturne (forever associated with the lovely Marie) and Renie's Legende and de Falla's Spanish Dance. The thought of never playing again then gets too much and I feel guilty about even thinking that way. Deep down I know there's no harm in exploring all the options, but it's hard to find those who can really relate, and empathise, and counsel.

I need to ring my fantastic harping friend Zanna as she never fails to lift my spirits and get me inspired again....

1 comment:

  1. I have been amiss at reading blogs of late and just came across this when catching up. I just wanted to say that what jumps out of this post at me is a person who may be a tad scared! It is ok to be scared. Becoming who you want to be is not always easy. Having mentors who inspire you and lift your spirits........... well, that is one good way to become unstuck. Good luck with it all.